So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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