In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
