They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
