Can Purell be used as lube?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Randomize
