We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Your penis caused this!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
