pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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