I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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