I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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