The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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