i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
