i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
