Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
