Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
