see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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