Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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