dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
