Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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