You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
