apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
