fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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