How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
