she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
