I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
