i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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