I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
