Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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