first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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