It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
