I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
