Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them

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(661): View more from California

seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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(917): View more from New York City

I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM

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(503): View more from Oregon

A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.

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(801): View more from Utah

He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.

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(417): View more from Missouri

I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help

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