Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
