I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
