PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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