More tranny stories later!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
