6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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