with your own penis?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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