I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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