Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Randomize
