So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
