Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
love makes seman taste better
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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