So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
