so explain again why im purple
no
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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