I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
