It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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