Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
