I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
