Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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