i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
