Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
