hotel room ftw
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
