so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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