it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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